I was fresh off the bus from small-town Iowa and found myself in the Big Apple, at a restaurant I’ve never heard of and with friends whose names were all new to me.
At one point in the conversation, someone gave me a compliment — something to the effect of “I like your outfit!” — a high compliment given the fact that I was likely wearing something off-brand and/or second-hand, when the rest of the table was wearing the newest take on what’s trendy, or, as is often the case in NY, a reinterpretation of the color black.
My response to hearing the compliment was a long deferral; how what I was wearing wasn’t that good, and in fact was likely quite cheap, and that I employed very little to no strategy in arranging my jigsaw puzzle of an outfit. Basically, I took that person’s simple and well meaning compliment, deconstructed it, and convinced them they were wrong.
I remember this moment because as I was talking, I recall watching the person’s head bob and smile as she listened, and then after my basketball-style full-palm rejection to their compliment lay-up, how that smile turned to an awkward squint.
We’ve all been there — too modest to accept a compliment — or too insecure accept when a compliment comes your way.
In the story I’ve just told you, one of the people at that dinner, Tony, now a lifelong friend, turned to me after my compliment-rejection, and said quite directly, in his lovely NY borough accent:
“The only thing outta your mouth, when someone gives you a compliment, should be thank you.”
I love that! We should all be so lucky to have friends who can give you on-the-spot and uncomplicated advice. He read the situation and offered me an in-the-moment the fix.
From that moment on, whenever I get a compliment, I smile and say “Thanks!” There’s nothing more to do and you certainly don’t need to apologize for looking nice, being nice, or helping someone. Take it for what it is!
Just say “thanks!”
I’ll be taking next week of for Thanksgiving, so enjoy your holiday and remember, if someone gives you a compliment, just say thanks - no need to reciprocate - no need to defer or deny. Just say thanks and avoid creating unproductive conflict with those around you or yourself.